We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
