she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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