btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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