Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
