Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
