Im at strip club and am horny
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
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