Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
