batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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