Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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