we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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