Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
