So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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