sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
