i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
