OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
