So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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