Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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