before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
