Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
