You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
