It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
