WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
