Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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