Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
