Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
