mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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