I'm gonna have a badass scar
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
