he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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