....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
