he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
he quoted the bible to break up with me
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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