dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
