you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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