There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
