It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
