You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
