Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
