I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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