haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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