I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
