please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
