I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
