Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
