see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
