The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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