its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
