he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
