Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
