At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
