I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
