Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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