I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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