Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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