I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Drunk is not a location!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize