Need sex. Gaining weight.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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