Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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