he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
