he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
