Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
