I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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