Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
