She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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