life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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