How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
