kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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