just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
