After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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