I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize