I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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