he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
