I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
