I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You're a waste of cheezeits
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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