I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
